Juggling practice

The priority analogy that keeps me afloat time and again

I’m writing this newsletter sandwiched on the couch between two of my kids, both home sick with fevers. My husband is traveling for work, so I’m solo parenting. I have about one million things on my to do list - both for work, home and the upcoming holidays.

While a magical time of year, I think many parents can attest, as the ‘magic makers’ of our families- it is also a very overwhelming season. When I feel stressed out it is often because I have put everything on my list as a top priority. Everything feels necessary and urgent.

In these moments, I’ve found one thing helps most: a simple way to truly prioritize. In this post, I’m going to introduce you to a framework that helps me reset. I call it the glass ball framework;

You are juggling a hundred balls. But, you are treating every ball like it is glass. If it drops - it shatters. It’s a big deal. Those are the things you have to keep in the air. High priority items / non negotiables for you and your family.

• examples: We need to eat. Sick kids!

• items that have hard time limits (work deadlines etc.)

The next category - plastic balls. They make a loud noise when they fall on the ground, but they don’t break. It’s a mid level priority.

• example: this newsletter! If I didn’t have the bandwidth, this is something that might drop from my list. I would feel disappointed and annoyed that I didn’t stick to my commitment but I know everyone here reading can survive without a weekly newsletter. It sucks, but the ramifications are relatively minor.

• another example: I had to cancel my clients today — it is something I *hate* doing, but I knew I had no other childcare options and a sick baby who must be touching me at all times while he rides out this fever. In this circumstance, my clinical day is a plastic ball and my sick kid is a glass ball.

The last group - cotton balls. You can drop those balls on the floor, no sound, nothing breaks. Yes, there may be a little mess, but you can pick them up at another time. These are low priority and can wait.

• the random house projects or errands I have on my list… all of those are cotton balls in this moment and have dropped to the floor. They can get picked up when I have bandwidth. That box sitting by the door that needs to go to UPS… yeah, not this week.

The last part of the analogy is what balls can you outsource?

• Can you ask for help? My dear friend offered to bring my (not sick) child to school this morning so I wouldn’t have to bundle up and load all three in the cold rainy weather. Bless her.

• Can you outsource? Perhaps you’re ordering in your dinner or some meals during an especially busy time? Maybe there is a dog walker in your rotation?

For Couples:

I often sit with clients (new parents & parents of young kids, especially) treating cotton ball level items as glass balls. Granted, my cotton balls may be your glass balls and vice versa. (These examples are meant to give you an idea of the categories, but think what makes sense for you and your priorities.)

One common dynamic I see in couples therapy is the mismatch between what one partner perceives as a glass ball, while the other sees it as a cotton ball.

• example: The baby is crying - you have to get him immediately! (glass ball) vs. He’ll be ok if he cries for a couple of minutes, I’m in the middle of something (plastic ball.)

• example: the difference of importance each member of a couple may put on different tasks, like cleaning the house, buying holiday gifts, eating healthy etc.

These mismatches will come up on repeat for some couples. It helps to be really explicit about where your priorities differ and then either divide and conquer according to preference, or if you have some spaciousness, dive deeper and compassionately challenge each other to better understand the mismatch.

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If you’re feeling overwhelmed this season, take a moment and figure out what can drop now and be picked up later.

Hope this helps you, as it helps me. & share with someone who may need a reminder that they can let a few cotton balls hang on the floor.

with gratitude,

Sasha